OK. Not bad. Give me some more? To be honest I don't really mind that much whether the school had Chinese or Western music. I'm sure I can learn to love it and understand it. But HAVE it. And do it properly. To the highest possible level.
So we're having this little discussion at school about music. I dare to suggest that many of our families appear to have chosen for 'western' instrument lessons for their children the school could support with the 'missing' instruments (i.e. not violin and not piano), to fill the gaps for example in the secondary 'orchestra'. I'm told that in primary a Chinese instrumental program is what the school is going for. But I'm not exactly seeing that moving at a rapid pace (apparently hard to get teachers etc etc).
To which one parent replies that the HK Chinese orchestra has been invited and is playing abroad all over to huge interest and acclaim and western music is 'passe'. And besides, it's much better for our children to learn Chinese instruments since it will add an edge to the CV's when they're applying to big name schools abroad...
I resisted. Kept quiet. Heavens above. I can think of many reasons to learn an instrument, 'western' / 'Chinese' or whatever. But CV building would not be something that would even cross my mind!
Music is glorious. It is beautiful and wonderful. To be a part of making music is to be a part of the humming of the universe when it is in harmony. Music is the only thing I know of where it can simultaneously take you out of yourself while allowing you to reach deep within yourself.
More mundanely it's a discipline, a challenge. It enhances memory, encourages left and right brain co-operation, helps kids with ADHD and ADD. But good for your CV?
A fellow music loving Chinese friend of mine remarked later - "Chinese music? Bahh, I just don't get it. And I don't like it. Do you?" To which I replied that I'd not had that much exposure to it so didn't feel I really understood it. But what I'd heard so far hadn't touched my heart they way that some other music did. Perhaps I need to make more effort. Much more effort.
Occasionally my dear readers (some of whom are dear friends) send me questions and ask me for advise. I'm not sure sometimes how qualified I am to give this, so I'd like to throw this question to the open forum I've put some of my response below, but please add in what you think ...
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I have been wanting to send this email for weeks but like you, I have not been in such a great place in my personal bubble so thought it best to wait.
We have been in X for nearly three months. What a strange place to fit into. Where to start............ After six weeks in a hotel and literally we were in the hotel because it was on average 48 degrees we moved into our villa....
We have a few schooling issues which I just feel so unsure about. I would value your opinion. (Please). The older three are happy .... and then there is F................ Since arriving here and starting school he is a different child. He is aggressive, angry and so sad. He hates the school, Hates stupid x teachers and their stupid x songs.( His words !!! ) Words that would never have been used by other others seem to flow freely with him even though I plead with him to find some happy words. I have just found a primary school teacher who has also studies child psychology and works with difficult children. She is coming to play after school every day and to try and be his special friend !!!!
Let me throw another obstacle into this dilemma , I am not impressed with the school in anyway. The x education system (non challenging ) suits only one of the children. Does it really matter at 3 and 4 academically is it just important to make sure they are happy and having fun or should I be worrying about academics ????? Even after 5 children we don't always know the answers !
I hope you do not mind my ramble, the truth is I do not know where to turn and you are the only person I know who has been in a similar situation!!
I will ramble next time about how hard it is to fit in here !!!
Best wishes to you and the family
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How I feel for her. 3 years ago I was in a similar space with R. And of course, child unhappy, mum unhappy. Mum unhappy, rest of the family unhappy too, which makes mum even unhappier.
Yesterday afternoon my great friend who lives in Burma (of all places! my friends do seem to choose them) came around with her son. He was also enrolled in the French system (OK, I can't disguise it, otherwise this posting will make no sense at all). She removed him after a few months since he hated it, hated the "Hates stupid x teachers and their stupid x songs."
So when I got this email from a friend from another country completely complaining about the same system I found it rather odd. She removed him, put him in a more relaxed environment in his home language (English), faced up to the French grandmama's scorn, derision and anger, and everyone is much happier.
I know nothing about the French education system, and know plenty of people perfectly happy with it here in HK, so perhaps it isn't the school. But the school and the language and the move all in combination with each other. And kids, have to blame something and someone. And they don't want to blame their all important and loved parents (at this point. I think that comes later in their teen years), so they blame the school.
There are so many issues happening in this short little plea for help. There is moving countries and cultures with children in tow. (Did anyone see the interesting article in the FT weekend about the Women of the British Foreign service?) There is the inability of small children to express their unhappiness and powerlessness in rational and sensible ways (ha ha, can any of us adults claim to be able to do so?). There is coping with a new language and system of education. And there are the dynamics of a home with all this going on.
What I did when this happened to us? I cried and got depressed. Then I realised it didn't help anyone, least of all my children. Then I made sure R was in the right school in the right class (we found the right school but had to move him to a higher group with a MUCH stricter and more demanding (behaviourly) teacher - (ironically that helped), and I engaged the help of a child psychologist. We went there every week for about 6 weeks and she taught him to behave again and me how to make sure he behaved again. Without crying and feeling sorry for him and myself.
I'm not a psychologist but I think what helped is that R was floundering. He was homesick and out of sorts. And I was feeling sorry for him (and myself), so I wasn't setting the normal boundaries. So his behaviour inside and outside the house became worse and worse, which didn't help anyone, least of all himself. Because at the end of the day, whether we're 3 or 13 or 30, we have to interact with the rest of the world, no matter how we're feeling. And the rest of the world doesn't make allowances. Or if they do, it's only temporarily. Hard isn't it?
There is another thing I believe plays a role with little boys: Testosterone. I find with R, if my husband has been away from home traveling for a while, or hasn't had much physical contact with R, he gets worse and worse as he tries to assert his biological imperative as alpha male. When H is back to put him in place, things calm down again. Boys need daddy time, and failing daddy time, they need a male around. A coach, a sport, a male nanny, a male teacher, tutor, whatever you can get your hands safely on.
Never mind someone to be nice to him, actually he needs someone who can simultaneously be tough on him and distract him and help him like where he, like who he is, is rather than pine for what he's lost.
To another point. Do academics matter at 3 and 4? I'd emphatically say NO. The most important is to make sure your kids at that age are well adjusted, social, mannered nice human beings. Because if you don't do it at that age, there is not going to be any time to do it later. The world has enough precocious smart a*holes. Look at the key figures in the financial crisis if you're short of examples. Take the pressure off him and yourself to learn to read and write and count, and put the pressure on him to be a nice guy who plays fair, is not inappropriately aggressive and angry.
Those are my view points - let me know what other people think.
I did my longer run on Saturday in Tai Tam. There, I was most gratified to see that finally someone has put some thought into the combination of nature trail and history in creating the Tai Tam Waterworks Heritage Trail. It's only 5km long, but there is plenty to see. And I must even commend them on doing a rather nice job graphically and in signposting, with a good clear explanation and photos to document what they're talking about. They also have a rather nice leaflet which I saw groups of kids bandishing about - hopefully they'll be recycled ... which is also available online.
Of course I wouldn't be known for my cynicism if I didn't add something else to the discussion. While the water supply department is to be commended here, this mornings run made me quite cross with them. I was just doing a quick 9km in the Pokfulam area and was most annoyed to see that the various taps (?? what purpose they serve I'm not sure) along Victoria road are STILL leaking copious amounts of water and have been doing so for at least the 9 months I've been running / walking this route. So much for their slogan on their website about "save water, every drop counts" - while these taps pour out water into the drain every day. Think I'll send them a little email and see if I get any response!
I've seen that it is really easy to do so, with this online email form: so anyone else in the area wanting to save water, please also drop them a line!
So R's report came home in the post yesterday. As expected, it was not covered in 3's and 4's but there were a few 3's. The rest was rather dismal. We're not really sure what our response should be. We've decided not to do a dissection with him. Don't think it would be particularly meaningful. I'll go to the parent teacher conference (unfortunately H is in Dubai so won't be able to make it), and discuss with his teachers what action will be necessary to bring him up to par. See what we could be doing differently or what he should or could be doing differently (not daydreaming?) Of course he's only had 2 months of Chinese, compared to the year and 2 months of his class mates. And Chinese makes up 70% of his curriculum. And I doubt that he's going to 'get it' as quickly as his sister did. Then there is the issue of his distractability.
I'm meeting a potential new tutor tomorrow morning, so we'll see how that goes. I have to keep reminding myself that he is not his report card. As H says - 'he's such a lovely kid' but that won't get him through school for the next 12 years!
N's report card came home yesterday. R's seems to have gotten lost, or maybe they held it back it was so shocking or something. Better that way I think. Have a few days between so that not too much comparison goes on.
I didn't want to give it too much prominence anyway. So I glanced through it with her, naturally all 3's and 4's (meeting or exceeding expectations). She asked me about the column "learning attitude" and I said to her it was how enthusiastic she was about learning and how hard she tried. With R in ready earshot, I also emphasized how I thought that was the most important mark. Even if they were to have 1's and 2's for everything in every subject, if they had 4's for attitude I was happy.
I've been thinking about expectations as my next Chinese test looms. Certainly the expectations for my class (the asian stream) is different for that of the other class. Our exams are also more difficult and the approach to teaching us is less structured and more varied. At times I feel freaked out. But then I remind myself of the expectations of the course aka standard text book and spend the time I have meeting the official requirements. And then when I'm feeling lazy about learning to write or read a particularly tricky or obscure character I have to give myself a mental shove and tell myself that it's just NOT about the official expectations, it's about becoming literate and conversant in a language, so get on with it.
I wonder too about how the kids are assessed in terms of expectations. Are their 'global' expectations for the grade? Or does a teacher look at each child and assess them in terms of their capabilities? The latter would be natural, but of course limiting the children who are capable of doing more. I firmly believe that people rise or fall to what is expected of them.
Here's a bit of light fun with tonight's soloist at the Sinfonietta - Matthew Trusler. Who professes he's fallen in love with HK and is planning and imminent move here wonder if he tells that to all his audiences! Good concert, but we had to leave at intermission as the kids were totally exhausted. I really enjoyed the premier of George Lam's "The Queen's Gramaphone". Pity he's not on youtube, which one would expect of a gent of his vintage. You can hear bits and pieces on his website. Hopefully they'll allow him to use bits of the Queen's Gramaphone for his site as well. And good on the Sinfonietta for commissioning young composers to do works. R was ever so impressed that no-one had 'ever' heard this before, even his mum! Poor guy shares a name with another famous canto-pop star (not sure if they're related).
In the programme I saw that Matthew Trusler had started a record label to support his charity, LTCF, so I googled it. It's the kind of thing that makes the mum in me cry. It sounds like they're doing interesting things though both on the musical and charitable front, and his forthcoming CD looks like one to look out for:
" CD "FAIRY TALES AND GOBLINS' DANCES" ON ORCHID CLASSICS
This new project, from acclaimed independent label Orchid Classics, is for children. Titled ‘Fairy Tales and Goblins’ Dances’ it will consist of some of the great children’s poetry by Roald Dahl, Edward Lear, Lewis Carroll, Spike Milligan and AA Milne, read by actors including Danny de Vito. Alongside the poetry will be new recordings of wonderful and fun pieces by classical composers, such as the Cinderella Suite by Prokofiev, Children’s Corner by Debussy, Danse macabre and The Swan by Saint-Saëns. The CD is due for release in later 2009. "So I had a little bumper accident earlier this year with my car. First accident in 26 years.
My front bumper had to be replaced and the taxi needed some bump taken out his door. Nothing major.
I get the expiry notice from my insurance company for the insurance due in December and there is this little note : "Not Invited to renew"
What?
Not, you loose your no claims bonus. Not we're going to charge you and exorbitant amount for insurance. Just Not invited to renew? 3rd party insurance is compulsory here, so are they actually allowed to not insure you?
I phoned the company and got someone on the line who had no idea about anything and just said, no you're not invited to renew and would shed no more light on the matter!
What should I do?
I read this a while back in one of the Suzuki books. What does it mean? Do I agree with it? Is it profound or mundane or an excuse to drive your kids? As an impatient person by nature, I like its message.
"Patience is merely the absence of expectation" Dr. Suzuki
